Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Confessions of a Breast Pumper

I have to come to terms with the fact that I have actually quit pumping at work. It wasn't a decision I made, just a lack of time, conflicts with meetings and a general inability to pull it together for my three pumping sessions a day. I had a promotion at work right when I came back from maternity leave and it was a struggle to keep my pumping sessions free from conflicts, even though they were in my public calendar. In my rush to leave the house in the morning with two kids, lunches, bottles, required daycare bedding and an assortment of favorite trains (Big Dog's, not mine) I'd forget pump parts. I started skipping one session, then two, then I'd miss a whole day. Then two days. Well it has now been over a week. I guess that is quitting.
I had committed to pump for my son's first year. He is 11 months now. His birthday is Feb 9th. I almost made it, just fell a bit short.
We still nurse at home and on weekends. I plan to continue this. I guess I just feel like I lacked the willpower to keep it going at work.
Either way, I know he will be just fine. He got a lot more breastmilk than many kids do, and I was a formula fed baby and turned out OK. I know that it doesn't make me a failure as a mother or anything that extreme.
I think part of it is the realization that my last baby is growing up and I am letting one of the infant rituals go before I thought I would.
Who knew I'd feel slightly sad at the thought of putting my brutal titty tugging machine away for good?
Bye bye breast pump. I knew you far too well, but our relationship has come to an end.

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