Sunday, September 16, 2007

We Each Find Our Own Happiness, Don't We

This weekend I have had it hit home that I will not have my first baby, my Mao, in my life forever. At one point it was just too much and I was crying about the potential loss, and the pain that my little Mao was feeling. Big Dog found me and started to worry. He came and sat with me and asked why I was crying.
"Mao is very sick and he is not going to get better. I am sad because I know that he will not be with us for a long time. One day he will be gone and won't come back" I tried to explain
"Is Nikita sick?" He asked.
"No, she's fine, baby. Nikita is healthy"
"Then I'll go get Nikita and bring her here and that will make you happy," he offered.
"Oh sweetie, that's so nice of you, but sometimes mommies are just sad. It's ok to be sad from time to time. There is a lot that makes me happy. But right now I'm sad about Mao."
"What makes you happy, mommy" He asked.
"You make me happy, honey" I replied
"What else?"
"Little Dog makes me happy, and Poppa makes me happy."
"What else, mommy?" he asked again.
"Aunt Kathleen and Grandma and Grandpa make me happy"
"And what about JC?"
"Yes, he makes me happy too"
"What else?" he asked, still wanting more
"A good book makes me happy" I replied.
"And coffee?"
"Oh yes, coffee makes me happy" I said, with a little laugh, this kid has my number!
"What else?" he continued.

Soon he had me listing all the things in the world that I love, all the things that make me smile. Like a little therapist, he had me focusing on all the good things, all the happiness in my life.
When I couldn't come up with another thing to say, I asked him what made him happy.

"Only one thing," he said
"Really? What is it?" I asked, poising myself to give him a huge bear hug when he says I am that one an only thing.
"Playing with my trains," he replied, in a dry, matter of fact way.
So the Big Dog giveth and the Big Dog taketh away, I freakin' love this kid.

1 comment:

mami said...

that makes me want to give him a big kiss

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