Thursday, April 2, 2009

Why I should not be allowed to go out without my children

So this week I'm in California for work. As always, while I'm in the Bay Area I'm staying with Stan. It is fantastic. Usually when I come to town it is just for a day or two but this time I'm in town all week. We're getting to catch up a bit and just hang out. I swear, I feel like I always just pick up where I left off when it comes to Stan. He's awesome.

As usual, hanging out with Stan involves drinking. I think that's pretty much a given. So last night, after a long day of meetings I came back to San Francisco and we had a couple of glasses of wine before we went out for dinner. We headed down to Mission Street to Weird Fish, but when we got there we had a wait. To pass time we went to the wine bar next door and had another drink. So essentially by the time we got seated at the restaurant, we were feeling a, happy.

Weird Fish is a cool little restaurant with a focus on sustainable seafood and vegetarian food. Kind of a weird combo, but perfect for me. They have a daily special called "Suspicious Fish" that is kind of a gamble. They won't tell you what it is until you've ordered it and they bring it to your table. I like that. Kind of a crap shoot, but it shows they have a sense of humor. And good thing they do.

So being, happy, Stan and I ordered the Suspicious Fish of the night. The waiter assured us it was good even though he wouldn't tell us what it was. We had another glass of wine while we waited for the meals to arrive. Right as the server was bringing our food to the table, Stan needed to use the restroom. The waiter tried to warn him "you're going to miss it" but Stan said he trusted me to fill him in. And that was his mistake.

As you have noticed I have a strange sense of humor. Perverse really. So when the waiter told me the Suspicious Fish was pan fried halibut with a vegetable melange atop caramelized leeks and garlic mashed potatoes I knew that wasn't what I was going to tell Stan.

When he returned from the restroom, I filled him in. "It's a vegetable melange with garlic mashed potatoes and caramelized leeks topped with pan fried shark penis." And somehow I managed not to smile. Confused, but still, happy, Stan was not sure to make of the meal. "Shark penis?" he asked. And I nodded in agreement. Unfortunately at that moment our hapless waiter reappeared. "Shark penis?" asked Stan, completely confounding the poor man.
And I lost it. I was overcome with the giggles. I really couldn't stop, because apparently I am a 12 year old at heart. After a moment of confusion, the server figured out the problem. "Is that what she told you it is?" he asked laughing at my insanity.

By this time, in, happy state Stan and I were laughing so hard we couldn't talk, and I had tears streaming down my face. Can you believe I'm allowed to be a mother? Yeah, me neither.

At the end of the meal, which was seriously good, I paid the check. I made one final request of the server.
"Would you write 'Shark Penis' on the receipt?" I asked. And though he initially refused, he did it. And I get to include this in my expense report. Awesome.

For the record, a full 24 hours later we still get the giggles when either one of us say "shark penis". We are obviously mature adults.


Beth said...

Shark penis makes me giggle, too. That was a good one!

I once told my kids they were eating cow tongue when it was really a skinny pork loin. I can still hear the clatter of the forks against the plate as they dropped their utensils.

Shark penis is totally funnier!

52 Faces said...

I wish you were MY mother!

I would totally try shark penis. But then again, the Chinese will try most food things.

chihuahua5 said...

love it love it love it!!!

Anonymous said...

Hee hee! I think you should eat without children more often. How often do you get to giggle uncontrollably with tears running down your face when you eat at a restaurant with kids? Wanna come out to dinner with me? I could use the humor.

Anonymous said...

I haven't been drinking, and I find shark penis to be both hilarious and awesome.

Sybil Runs Things said...

I just read this aloud to my husband and we were both dying laughing. So funny!

mamikaze said...

That is awesome! I choked on my nachos in the middle of Qdoba laughing.

Heather said...

This actually made me laugh out loud! Sounds like you two are the best of friends - too funny!

Shannon said...

You're the kind of Mother most children would be blessed to have.

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