Thursday, July 29, 2010

Now with less yelling

This has been a stressful week.  And let's be honest, I'm not handling the stress well at all.  In fact, my stress has turned me into one of those moms who seems unable to communicate with her children at a normal volume.  If my requests are not met, I start yelling.  And I hate yelling.  Problem is, right now it feels really good.  I am beginning to understand that screaming therapy, letting the anger and frustration pour out of you in a burst of angry and very very loud words can be fantastic.  Unless you're yelling at your kids.  Then it really really sucks.  And that's been me the past couple of days.
I hate it.  I feel out of control.  I feel like the kind of mom I don't want to be.  I feel like a failure.
I decided yesterday that instead of feeling the frustration washing over me and carrying me away on a tide of stress and anxiety, I need to take charge.  I've put a no yelling policy in place.  I'm not giving in to that kind of mommy tantrum.  Instead, I'm using the extra creepy, ultra calm voice when I get stressed.  You know the one.  It is the one that sounds all soothing and rational, but there's something off about it.  It's a little too calm, too controlled and then you look in my eyes and you see the crazy welling up back there.  So far it's been very effective.  In fact, it freaks the kids out in a way all of the yelling has never achieved.  And I feel more in control.  I feel like a better parent.  I feel like I'm channeling the emotion instead of just giving in.  I'm one day in, and I think it might work.  If I can make it through this week, I might be able to use this voice when I feel like yelling long term. That would rock.  But I could probably use some more ideas.
What's your strategy for keeping your cool when you're otherwise losing your mind?


geekymummy said...

you need to teach me this one!

chihuahua5 said...

Um, that is called the "voice" aka the jedi mind trick.

My mom used it and still does on both dad and I to this day. You've met her.....very effective and I actually cannot ever remember my mom raising her voice.....only cuz I was acquiessing already to the jedi-mind trick voice.....or cowering doing her bidding.

chihuahua5 said... drank a LOT of wine too when I was growing up which also helps damper the yelling urges.
Coincidence the drinking reduced when I left for college?? I think not.....but she still drinks some cuz dad is still at home ;)

~lifedramatic~ said...




Kirsten said...

Man, do I know what you mean. This has been me too this week. And I've taken to "the voice" too, because yelling gets me nowhere. Good luck on the reprogramming.

Juli said...

My husband and I both come from yelling families of origin. And there is yelling in our family.

Sometimes I say to Five, "Who was that yelling? That wasn't me."

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