Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Things I don't have time or energy for

Want to know what gets on my nerves? Really? Cool, I've just whipped up this little list. In general I'm too tired to deal with the following annoyances:

1. Standing in line behind people who have complex requests for the cashier that are so complicate they cannot be clearly communicated, and require the requester to interrupt the cashier multiple times. Yeah lady at Starbucks, I'm talking about you!

2. Online forms that can be filled in online, but then must be printed and mailed in. You are missing the f'ing point of filling shit in online!

3. Mail in rebates. If you want to give me the rebate, just give it to me, I will very rarely retain my receipt, fill in your form, mail it back to you with the required piece of box. But you know that, don't you, marketing monkeys!

4. Spelling my last name for you on the phone more than once. And seriously, if you ask me to spell it, and you will, please have a pen ready so you don't have to stop me and ask me to start again.

5. Opening all of that packaging on DVDs and CDs. Seriously, why must they be hermetically sealed? I had to bite through the stickers holding Kung Fu Panda closed in the box. I'm lucky I didn't break a tooth. I'm not alone in this. NE doesn't bother with removing the stickers on her CDs she unhooks the hinge and uses the holding power of the security label as the new hinge. She's a genius in her own nutty way.

6. Buttons that fall off clothes. You heard me Old Navy, the Gap and Banana Republic! Please have your factories sew them on correctly in the first place. I can't find needles and thread in my house, hell, I'm lucky to be able to locate my own children most days. And don't pretend this isn't something you're aware of, I used to work at Banana Republic many years ago and we knew about it way back then. Fix it. Come on already.

7. Grocery related math. If you are a grocery store and on the shelf tag you are going to "help" me comparison shop by listing a comparison price, please make sure they are calculated to the same type of unit. For example, if I'm looking at Organic Katsup and one is 32 oz for $3.29 and the other is 28 oz for $2.99, but the comparison price is listed on the first as .1028/oz and the second is listed as $2.99/each, it is useless. More than useless, it is annoying. My math skills are poorly exercised, and this kind of stuff seems really mean-spirited. I like to imagine you are sitting in the back room laughing as you watch me get all frustrated trying to figure out which one is the better deal on your closed circuit TVs. (Ok, maybe I'm a little paranoid).

8. Online stores that have such fantastic prices they don't list them until you put them in your cart. Even worse, online stores that require you to email them for a quote instead of letting me just shop like a normal person. Still worse, online stores that make me send you a contact number so you can call me back for the amazing price quote. In my experience, it just isn't worth talking to you for the extra ten bucks I save.

9. Offices that close at lunchtime. Where do I start. I do most of my calling for appointments and such at lunch. I also try for most of my appointments at lunchtime so I don't have to miss work. If you are in a situation in which you provide services, please don't do this to me. It just pisses me off. I also hate those of you who are closed on Fridays. Come on, it is my least busy day at work. I guess it is for you too, now that I come to think of it.

10. This recent trend of putting bacon in everything. I mean, I get it on some level. I have myself made some seemingly bacon-inappropriate foods (ice cream, vodka), but I don't feel the need to make bacon a 3-meals-a-day type of essential. Especially keep it off my non-meaty foods. I'm what they cleverly call a "pescatarian" and I don't want to have to ask before every food order, "Is there bacon in that?"

11. People who don't laugh at my jokes, because let's face it, I'm hilarious. If you aren't laughing, there is probably something wrong with you. Seriously wrong, dangerously wrong. Please seek help.

What's on your list?


Anonymous said...

There is a place in town here that sells maple bars with Bacon on them. It was on that show Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations. Hubby ate one, I didn't...eww.

Green said...

You know what annoys me? This trend of blaming the big, bad financial institutions for all the foreclosures going on. What happened to buyer beware? What happened to critical thinking? What happened to making sure you can afford something before you buy it? What happened to personal accountability?

If you can't say your Starbucks order in five seconds or less, you don't deserve any Starbucks.

Kristen M. said...

People need to stop writing checks in public. Get a damn Visa check card already. Geez.

Anonymous said...

you had me at number 1, I laughed through this list. You know what i hate will people take things from the daycare they know doesn't belong to them. If my kids name is on it please just bring it back.

Anonymous said...

2. I hate that too.

3. Ditto.

4. How when you spell it for them, and they still get it wrong, probably because they just wrote it down how they think it should be spelled and weren't actually listening to you.

8. I hate the ones that require you to add things to the cart and go through the checkout process before they tell you what payment methods they accept.

9. Add banks that close at 5, the same time most other people get off work.

10. Bacon. Good.

AC said...

How about calling the insurance companies? Or, Oh! When you answer the phone and a voice recording tells you to Please Hold. Yeah? Click.
I'm also annoyed at the same that 'green' just commented about. To add to her complaint, I think overall people need to take hold of their own problems. If you are in a large company and it's failing, then admit it. Eat crow. Move on. Learn from your mistakes. Don't make us all pay for it.
Let innovation take the lead.
OH! What about when you have to make an appointment with your doctor like months in advance, then, your doc is like 2 hours behind for your appointment. Forget it, I am not sick anymore!
Oh, there are much more items I could complain about...

Becky said...

This made laugh so hard. I could just cut and paste it and claim it as my own on certain days. (Okay, maybe not the bacon issue, but on the others I'm with you 100%.)

Anonymous said...

Project Runway, Top Chef, or Americas Next Top Model are apparently the next in line to Death and Taxes...

Anonymous said...

Stylista? Really?

Mrs. F said...

Top of my list right now is that my husband comes home from work and immediately gets on his game (world of warcraft, if you must know) and does not come to bed until AT LEAST two in the morning (sometimes 5-ish), leaving me to tend to the children COMPLETELY alone in the morning. Caleb does not see his dad at all on Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday, because of their school-work schedule being opposite. Um, and if I have no husband in bed, then that also means that I may or may not be sexually frustrated. Frustrated being the key word, which is why this is at the TOP of my list...(Sorry, I HAD to vent somewhere and to someone!)

Nauntie Lush said...

You know what else bugs me about the Gap Co's clothes? That all the really nice shirts (the ones that you wear on the weekends) get tiny holes in the bottom after a couple of washings. WTF? Am I never supposed to wash my clothes and smell like shit forever?

And Starbucks needs to have 2 lines 1 for people who know what the hell they want and how to order and 1 for people who don't or have such complicated orders it takes 17 years to spit it out.

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