Friday, June 12, 2009

Top ten things that regularly piss me off

Yeah, I like to complain. Want to know what's on my shit list right now? Good, because that's what I'm writing about today.

1. "Kid friendly" places that don't have a changing table in the bathroom. With Little Dog's recent potty training this is pissing me off a little bit less now, but I'm speaking for all moms when I say "if you have a play area and a children's menu and you want me to bring my little tykes to your business, then give me a place to wipe their little bum when the need arises. Until you do that, you aren't kid friendly. You're just a poseur."

2. Being one upped. If I'm bitching or bragging I just want you to listen. In other words, if I'm tired, I don't really care that you're more tired. If I'm frustrated, telling me how much worse your situation is doesn't make me feel better. Conversely, if my kid is doing something amazing, don't try to dazzle me with your own child's even more amazing feat. I really try to hold back when you have the floor, so return the damn favor already. If you don't, I'm going to unload with all of my gripes or every outstanding thing and you'll finally realize that my life really is worse/better than yours. I'm being kind by holding back, don't force me to make you cry.

3. Marshmallows. Yes, marshmallows. Or rather the fact that they put the damn marshmallows at kid eye level in our grocery store. I have to sprint down the baking aisle if I'm shopping with the kids just to avoid the inevitable "we don't have any marsh-fellows" suggestions from Little Dog. These suggestions frequently turn into a battle of the wills between the two most bull-headed people on the planet. And no, the "Because I'm the mommy" card has never once worked with this little man. When I go to the store I want groceries, not tears so can we just move the damn marshmallows please?

4. Tivo remotes and their little hiding game. Yeah, we have a history of losing the Tivo remote. I found their vacation home a while back, but since then all but one have gone missing again. No, they're not in the sofa. I've stuck my arm back into the toxic waste of the sofa interior to check. Fine, we have one to deal with, but it's the one with a few buttons that don't work. Listen Tivo, can you put a beacon of some sort on the remote so it will sing out when I am looking for it, because I'll level with you, I'm addicted. I can't watch my shows if I can't use the Tivo.

5. Media coverage of celebrities being called fat. They aren't fat. Not by a long shot. So why is this all a big story? Do we care? I mean, someone does or they'd stop reporting it, but how about this, instead of obsessing over the size of Miley's can, let's obsess over how stupid Gingrich is. At least that'd be a story I could get behind.

6. The Republican party in general. Seriously, we get it, you lost, you're pissed off. Now try to do something beneficial. Don't agree with the Obama approach? Fine, propose an alternative that isn't your standard cure all tax cuts. I think we've kind of proven that doesn't work over the past 8 years. Maybe some new ideas would be nice. And complaining, stomping your feet and invoking the name of Jesus isn't helping you either.

7. Celebrities who are famous for nothing more than being famous. I don't care about these people. I don't care who they are dating and I don't want to see them on magazines, tv or even worse in movies. They aren't actors. They aren't singers...seriously they aren't singers. Let's shine the spotlight someplace else for a while and let them go back to their glittery obscurity. Please.

8. Casual rudeness. Is it really so hard to acknowledge when someone has spoken to you? How about not bumping into someone and then just walking away? Maybe they were raised by wolves but that would be one hell of a lot of wolf-raised people out there. I'm getting so damn sick of everyone being such assholes. Please and thank you go a long way, but looking up occasionally to recognize that you aren't the only person in the world is even better. And if you don't I'll be tempted to very politely kick you in the shins.

9. People who don't do their job. If you are getting paid to do something, I think I have a reasonable expectation that you should do it. Am I wrong? Did it become acceptable to take a paycheck to do nothing and ask other people to do your work for you? Because if it did, I have a lot more spare time on my hands in the future. The only thing that pisses me off more than this is those amazing "efficiency tools" that end up costing you twice as much time as doing things the plain old slow way. I'd kick you both out the door if I had half a chance.

10. The use of "pit bull" to describe vicious or dangerous things and people. Honestly my pit bull is more stable and reliable than most people I know. Is she dangerous? Maybe if you are a tennis ball, but she's a people pleaser like most well loved pit bulls. You should probably be more afraid of me than her. In fact, if I hear you malign pit bulls in general you should probably duck and cover.

What's on your list? I'm listening.


Anonymous said...

1) People who can't merge. I don't see what the issue is. One car after another.

2) People who ride your bumper when there is no where to go. I would be going faster too but you riding my @$$ makes me want to slow down even more.

3) People who bring their little poochy poo into stores that aren't a service animal. This one didn't bug me till I started working with Guide Dogs for the Blind.

I know I can think of more :)

Anonymous said...

Well, that was well said. Everything was great and to the point. I won't say more so I don't piss you off. hehe sorry. I really liked your post and thankful for the fact you actually wrote it. Some people talk and talk but do nothing. Thanks for doing something.

Christi Ciani said...

I couldn't agree more with everything on your list. I'm getting sick of everyone being such assholes too. What is up with humanity and society in general lately? It really pisses me off. You totally hit the nail on the head. It's literally US vs. Them sometimes. Them being "those" that just don't use basic manners or respect that other people also live in this world other than them or like you said, sell themselves as kid friendly and yet FAIL.

One of my main gripes involves where I work so this is a huge vent. I work in a top rated NYC Italian restaurant and we are not in any way exclusive and no one I work with is pretentious AT ALL which is incredibly refreshing for being a known "hotspot". We all work hard and are generally good people. Yet most of the clientele that call us are the BIGGEST assholes I have ever encountered in ANY job I have ever had. They are every bit rude and horribly entitled and treat me and my colleagues like dirt every time we tell them "NO" which we do basically every phone call we get.

We are small with only 26 tables and we fill up within an hour of opening our phone lines one month to the date in advance. We book everything and don't hold back tables for the privileged. We have no "call center", are not "corporatized", and don't give ANYONE preferential treatment because of their status in society, ie, no AMEX ins or anything like that. They hate being reminded that they are just like everyone else, HATE that they can't get in and are vicious and verbally assault us while we remain pleasant. "So you don't have ANYthing? You mean to tell me that you have not ONE table in your whole restaurant? That's disappointing (with intense disgust) We're JUST 2 people. You can't fit TWO people in? What do I have to do to GET a reservation with you people? I bet if I was Senator Clinton you'd put me in. I called all morning and your line was busy for TWO HOURS. This is RIDICULOUS. The nerve! Not EVEN at 5:30? NOTHING? Jeez, who do you people think you are!" Click. Almost EVERY time. No one has any manners, and it's disgusting. I would NEVER talk to anyone that way. IT IS JUST A FREAKING RESTAURANT. We are not denying these people heart transplants and they seriously go there. We are other humans on the other line, real people with real feelings. We get over it and I've learned how to a long time ago, but still. Where do they come from?! Thank God (not that I am god fearing) my General Manager rocks. Every time one of these special brand of assholes gives us a hard time, he gets pissed off, pounds his fist on the table in front of him and yells "Didn't these people's parents ever tell them NO?! Jesus!" and it is awesome. We have all come up with code words to put on their reservations so we can pass it on to everyone in the restaurant to beware of certain entitled guests who see the world through mud colored glasses. My favorite involves me and another Manager. I had yet another tool on the phone and exclaimed "What a fucking tool!" out loud when I hung up and my very proper and British Hospitality Manager proclaimed "That's it! That's our new code word. WAFT" So now when that WAFT comes in and rudely pushes their way past to look at our reservation sheet to make sure their reservation is still there (why would it not be?) my Maitre' D says "Oh, Christi can you take the WAFTS to table 54?". Usually They are so obvious he wouldn't even have to point them out.

followthatdog said...

Christi, I'm coopting WAFT. It's perfect. Back in my craigslist days I used to have a handle called Ginormous_Twat. Boy that was fun

And Smillinshell11- the merging thing pisses me off too. I think it is way worse in Seattle than other parts of the country. It's like they can't help but not let you over. Oops, sorry. The dog thing I kind of see, but I like the European attitude about dogs. They are family members and as such should be well socialized and taken out and about. But here, it doesn't work that way and when people break the dog rules it just hurts the rest of us.

AFlower...commenting NEVER pisses me off, but I appreciate you not trying to one up me. I have issues you know. ;)

Green said...

People who won't hire me because I'm over-qualified.

People who essentially want to hire a receptionist but require a bachelor's degree, paralegal courses, knowledge of every software known to man, and on top of all that want to pay $8 an hour.

People who walk slower because they're texting. Move OVER!

Texting while I'm standing in front of you and we're talking. You can't multi-task. I'll wait.

katherynei said...

You really nailed it with the One-up. It starts so early with a lot of parents, and could not be more annoying and rude.

geekymummy said...

Uh, your number 9 was the story of me week. I don't think I have ever been so pissed off at work. Remind me to tell you the tale in detail sometime.
Ironically I have an award for you at mine in which you are to list 5 pet peeves!

Summer said...

I am going to have to second your #6 and #7. Both generally piss me off on a daily basis.

ML said...

I am not an asshole.

And I know that if the streetlight is out (due to power failure) you treat the intersection as a 4 way stop. Duh, the people in the cross-street might be going straight, too...doesn't somehow give you the right of way!!!

Been holding that one for a few weeks! Thanks.

followthatdog said...

ML, right of way seems to confuse most people, no idea why. I witnessed a car accident in the traffic circle at our corner the other day guy plowed right into a woman who was clearly already in the traffic circle. When he got out of his car to give her his information he tried to tell her he had the right of way because he was to her right. Hey moron, if she's already IN the traffic circle when you arrive at the intersection, you DO NOT have right of way. It was insane.

And I don't think you're an asshole. I think you're lovely, even if you don't have a public profile. (That makes me even more curious about who you are and what you're like)

Christi Ciani said...

Ginormous_Twat!? HAHAHA. That's hysterical. I love that word! Both words actually :)

Vincetastic said...

This is one of the funniest Top Ten lists I have read in a while. And as unassuming and seemingly innocent as they are, marshmallows are on my top ten list of things that piss me off, regularly.

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