Observations of a mother of boys

As the mother of two boy, I have at times struggled to understand what makes them go. After years of observation, there seem to be a few guiding principles of young boys. I have listed them below. As near as I can tell, these few ideas rule my sons' lives.

Principles for young boys:
1. If there is something big, climb it.
2. If you have climbed something big, jump off of it
3. Have something heavy? Throw it.
4. Something on the ground? stomp on it.
5. It is generally fun to spit.
6. If is generally funny to burp.
7. All farts must be commented on.
8. Something on the ground too big to be stomped on? Kick it.
9. Any object that resembles a ball must be thrown.
10. Any object resembling a bat must be used to whack at things.
11. Any slightly elevated surface must be scaled.
12. Any wobbly surface is there to test your balance.
13. If mom says "don't touch that" you should sneak in one quick touch while you think she isn't looking.
14. If mom says "don't do that" you should try to get as close to doing that forbidden thing as possible while watching mom to know exactly where the line is.
15. Anything that writes on paper needs to be tested on skin, preferably your face.
16. If something looks wet, or full of water, put your hand in it.
17. If you are going someplace it is best to run as fast as you can.
18. Any whiplike object must be slung around dangerously.
19. Anything that makes your parents laugh must be done several more times for good measure.
20. Any toy your brother is enjoying must be confiscated immediately.
21. If it is worth saying, it is worth saying LOUDLY.
22. Putting the toys into the toy box is only a required step to immediately taking them all out again.
23. If you get in trouble, a sweet smile and big hug can usually get you out of it.