Thursday, May 28, 2009

Momma's got a brand new bag

I got me a big old bag o' guilt. All kinds. Check it out. Inside I have the whole variety pack of guilt.

Mommy guilt for leaving the kids to got to a job I love every morning. For not being as consistent and fair as I should be. For not keeping my cool when they really piss me off.

Wife guilt for not being as available as I should be. For being kind of cranky. For not being a generally wonderful spouse.

Daughter guilt for all those years of abuse I doled out to my parents. For not understanding what they were saying and why. For ages 12-19.

Friend guilt for not keeping in touch with those I love as much as I should. For forgetting important dates. For wishing I saw more of them, but not doing much about it.

Worker guilt for making mistakes. For not always knowing the answer. For having to make decisions that may make customers unhappy. For not being able to take on that one more task.

Feminist guilt for not always rallying to the cause. For loving my domestic side a bit too much. For being a bit too much about style and a bit too little about content at times. For not being as politically active as I should be.

Environmentalist guilt for not doing everything possible. For not recycling all of the time (most of the time but not always). For my love of Ziploc baggies.

Self guilt for not taking care of myself. For not committing to getting back in shape. For failing to make time for it.

General guilt for not being able to solve problems for everyone else. For not having the energy to to everything all the time.

All kinds of guilt. You know what? It's a heavy bag. I'm wiped out and I can't continue to carry it. I'm working hard to set it down, but this habit of lugging it around is addictive. I'm trying to be ok with not being perfect, but I suck at it. At least I'm not feeling guilty about it, so that's a step in the right direction. Isn't it?


Anonymous said...

OMG! You have a bag just like mine! What a coincidence. Too bad the bag is not pretty and fancy. At least if we looked good carrying it around it might make it feel less heavy.

followthatdog said...

Sadly I think most of us have a very similar bag. No wonder we're so cranky.

chihuahua5 said...

girl, read your essence magazine and stop feeling guilty about NOT being able to be superwoman!

Mr. Dog, Big Dog, Little Dog and all of us love you EXACTLY as you are!!!!

geekymummy said...

I hear you. So very true. But I just went to Target, so I feel healed and whole.

Go get a Target fix; craft materials for the kids, new dishwashing detergent and sponges for your husband (this make's mine really happy, he's a freak), and a cute shirt for yourself.

It works wonders. And its good for the economy, if hnot the environment

Beth said...

And don't forget about the blog guilt. When you can't properly make comments. And when you don't make time to write. That bag gets heavy, too.

52 Faces said...

Dang girl! Are you Jewish? Catholic? (Chinese?!?)

Feminist guilt ::shudder:: I let that (and fake lesbian until college guilt) go a ways back when I realized how little activism really got accomplished. Oops, sorry for the cynicism. But yeah, feminism was not put here for us to feel guilty for enjoying being a girl, as Rodgers and Hammerstein said. (I always said I was a natural born drag queen.)

followthatdog said...

Not Jewish or Catholic or Chinese, just a people pleaser by nature.

And historically if you look at the strides made by feminists there has been much change. Some of the things we take for granted now were won by women in my mother's generation and generations before them. The changes now are more subtle so it seems less earth shattering when we make progress, but we still have a long way to go. Ok, lecture over.

(climbs down off soapbox)

Corina said...

Girl, I share all of these and more. I does suck. It does get exhausting. The causes one.... oh my. I feel like such a hypocrite sometimes with that one.

Green said...

Holy shit! I can't believe you've kept this secret for so long and didn't tell us, your beloved and loyal blog readers that you're ... HUMAN.

Nauntie Lush said...

OMG!! That is the "woman bag" of guilt! I have it too! We match! However letting it go, and being okay with not being the perfect superwoman that our moms let us believe existed is LIBERATING. Letting yourself be the priority, your health, your mind etc. Makes you a stronger and better Momma. I am learning that, and loving the change it makes in me and Bacon. GOOD LUCK.

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